First things first, thank you so much to those who were for praying for me while I was in Japan! Those prayers were definitely heard and used by God! I am home safe and sound. (:
I've been in America for less than 24 hours, but Japan already feels like a distant dream. I'm moving through life again but I can't remember how I got here. As much as I want to readjust to my old routine, I'm resisting the urge to jump in so quickly. Not quite yet, I tell myself. My four-week missions trip to Japan is over - and there is so much sadness, relief, and hope packed into that statement. It was a precious and sacred time, and I want to process it all as soberly as possible. I've never been known to be patient, but they say that good things take time, and this is definitely a good thing so I'm willing to let it take as long as it needs. This is something I cannot rush through.
I find myself spacing out every few minutes, and I can't move as quickly as I did before. One of my commitments for today was to wake up early and stay busy, but I ended up waking up a little before noon. Jet lag: 1, my body: 0. I'm brushing my teeth slowly, walking slowly, driving slowly... I don't know if it's all jet lag, or if it's my also spirit trying to be still and cling onto God, because I find myself constantly praying and I don't even realize it... Praying for boldness as I text friends back, praying for patience as I talk with my parents, praying for purity and integrity in my thoughts, and praying for protection from temptation...
I don't know what my emotions or thoughts are right now, I just feel kinda numb. But I know that God knows my thoughts and my heart, and He will clarify and reveal them to me in His time. I just need to be still and know that He is God. :) The fact that the God in Japan is the same God with me now is such good assurance, you have no idea.
Related: Are You Trying to Earn God's Love?
I can already sense temptation and distractions, and part of me wants to turn on the TV or social media as an escape from reality or quick-fix from my numbness. So I've committed to stay away from TV and Facebook for awhile; not because those things are bad, but because I know these next few days are crucial, and Satan will use anything to distract me. I need to be intentional about silencing every voice that isn't God's so I can hear His more clearly. I need to lean away from the world and lean towards God.
To be honest, I don't know how long I can fight this intentionally to be pure, but God keeps whispering, "one day at a time," and I feel okay. God will carry me through today; and He will give me fresh strength, fresh grace, fresh hope tomorrow. I need not to worry. (:
Thanks for reading! I will probably be here tomorrow, too, so come back! I've committed to writing a blog post each day regarding Japan. A lesson I learned, a memory I had... Anything to keep this processing time fresh as possible.
PS. How Your Daily Decisions Can Grow Your Faith + How Dessert Taught Me to Share the Gospel with Joy